Recently, I reconnected with someone I hadn’t talked to in awhile, a beautiful woman from the Philippines, in her late 40s, who’d recently divorced her husband of ten years and was looking forward to beginning a new chapter in her life by opening herself up to new experiences and ideas.
She physically stuns – tall, fair-skinned, fit-athletic body, pouty lips, long and silky black hair. And she’s extremely hygienic, to the point of OCD with her routines and methods of cleanliness. We’ve shared many laughs at some of her sanitary methods, but nothing she does is extreme enough to interrupt her daily life. Her OCD worked in favor of how sweet her hair and flawless skin smelled; I’d always compliment her fragrance when we hugged and it would drive my hormones wild.
Our catch-up discussion eventually led to sex, mainly fueled by my curiosity. She blew my mind when she told me that the only type sex she’d had in her life, with her ex-husband and the men before him, was in missionary position. Never doggie style, on top, sideways… nothing; I’m not sure if she’s even given a man a blowjob.
She said that when her female co-workers talked sex and all of the positions they’d do with their boyfriends, husbands, or casual flings, she’d play along with them and say that she’d done the same things, so as not to be the odd woman out. But she’s come to the the realization that she no longer wants to be the one who lives vicariously through her co-workers; it’s time to experience what they’ve been talking about.
Our discussion made me think of all of the women I’ve encountered in my sexual experiences who’ve never been romanced or pleasured by someone, had their bodies explored or their erogenous zones discovered. Even kissing, a lot of women have never experienced a passionate lip-lock, the synchronized dancing of tongues and the soft bites of the upper and lower lips in between.
Well, maybe that’s just me – I like passion, intimacy, and some good fucking mixed in with it.
In my observations, it seems like a lot of women settle for what they believe, or are conditioned to believe, pleasure is. I know that such perceptions and beliefs can stem from a person’s cultural upbringing and background, and of course their own sexual encounters. But it’s very troubling to know that there are millions of women out there who believe sex is just a five-minute act and it’s roll-over-and-sleep time when you’re done.
It’s fine if they’re satisfied by that and there are stronger passions and joys outside of sex, though I’d argue that nature has given us this act not just for the creation of new life, but for pleasure as well, so why not receive enjoyment from it the way you desire?
Yet there are still many women who yearn for something more and know that it’s out there, but are stuck in situations that make it harder for them to explore their true desires because early on, they settled for less when they didn’t think there was more.
Since venturing into the world of writing about sex and reading about the experiences and opinions of others, I’ve noticed that we all share a common thread that’s kept us from settling:
We’re pleasure seekers.
Whether it’s sex toy reviews or the sharing of intimate encounters, there’s a yearning for fulfillment that’s sought through various acts of intimacy, and there’s also a desire to express, inform, and educate others who may be unaware or curious about exploring their deepest (sometimes darkest), longings.
I’ve read many posts from people who’ve opened their minds and bodies to new ideas and ways of exploring sex with their partners, and with themselves, because of how open sexbloggers and sex writers have been about their sexuality and experiences.
This shaming of people who write openly about their sexuality and lifestyle is ridiculous at best, and most likely done by those who are uncomfortable with themselves sexually or aren’t getting the proper amount of attention they’d like in that department. No matter what the case may be, the moral of the story is this:
Everyone woman deserves to experience the pleasure she seeks.
Never settle, choose what you deserve.
* I’d love to hear from women in the LGBTQ community — have you had experiences with other women who are very basic or lack passion when it comes to intimacy and sex? *4